I'm a country girl, born and raised in St Thomas Jamaica. My passion is to
experience and enjoy the pleasures of the world and life. I also embrace the
downside of life, which is only natural. Looking back on my life, it's like wow,
I've grown so much!
I went from a sweet, kind and innocent little daddies girl. Yes I have been blessed to have not one father but two. But by the age of nine my biological father received twenty four years behind bars in America for drug smuggling, so we are practically strangers now. I guess he had meant right by us, he just went by it the wrong way.
So I've only ever know and loved my Godfather. I went from being the centre of attention to being all alone and lonely, naïve and a very skinny, confused adolescent. I didn't fit in. I can remember as young as four years old, I would stay in with the teachers, do extra school work, read or do chores, while the children played games and ran free at lunch break.
I wasn't allowed to play because I looked different, they would say I had cat puss eyes, so I wasn't allowed to look them in the eyes. I had a lighter complexion compared to them. I was bud legged, bow legs, bird legs, because I was too skinny and to make matters worse I just didn't speak.
I grew up thinking I was ugly or an alien, it was the same in high school and college. I found solace in the solitude and as I grew older the sea. I just loved harmonizing with nature, the best thing about being lonely is that you have no choice but to get to know yourself. I grew as an individual and I became comfortable being in my own company, just a bit too much.
During this time I lost my big brother and my sixteen-year-old cousin. My cousin was perfect and I'm not exaggerating, he saved my life once by pushing me out of the way from a runaway van. He broke his arm and got some nasty bruises, it happened so fast, he reached in a split second not thinking of the consequences, just about saving me. He was so funny, he made Ali G look crap. He was a gentleman.
He loved so freely and easily, never understood the words "I can't". He was very loyal and understanding a peacemaker, beautiful inside and out. He was an angel and he is right now.
In my junior years in high school I was adopted by a group of senior guys they were cool they were popular and they took care and looked after me. When I graduated I moved onto the arts and history and won a couple of prizes for my artwork. I was very stubborn so I did what I wanted when I wanted.
My mom was told every year by my teachers that her daughter had a lot of potential. I didn't care then because I had no reason to live, life was unfair to me. I had no inspiration, no desire to live, but was curious to see where life would take me. Curiosity was my big inspiration. What I've learnt is you must want to live to change, to learn and make a difference or just to be inspired.
I also learnt it's wonderful to be different, after I filled out I started modelling and I attracted attention just from being me. I started to have fun, fans and admirers. I became a local celebrity in Kingston. Through modelling I became friends with two other girls. We were unique individuals and we didn't quite fit. We accepted and understood each other's differences. We didn't try to change each other. There was never any competition, which saved us time for our mad adventures. We were like the "rat pack" but with a capital R&P.
Now my hobbies are photography, floral art, painting, shopping, going to the movies, trips out to the country and fine dinning and cuddling. I'd like a future career in acting and my dream car would be a fine truck. Now I'm loving, caring and outgoing, adventurous, kind and giving. If anyone said I was boring to describe me now, they'd be lying and have serious problems with their brain because I am full of life.
I love and miss my sweet Jamaica, but I've also grown to love England, but then again, I miss hanging around Hedonism two and three every April and November. The playboy and playmates are sooo much fun! I miss Portland, my favourite parish. Portland is the most scenic, just like paradise. I also miss jerk chicken and pork, festival, steam fish, lobster, cool coconut water and chilled red stripe beer on the beach. That's the life! I remember my Grandma when I think of Jamaican food, which is funny because she is the only Grandma that can't cook. Which is embarrassing because I'm a good cook.
My wish for young people, actually everyone is that someone would hold them close and lovingly and sing them a lullaby. Although money is important it can give one choices. Money still isn't all, but you just have to work harder and be more patient and work a lot harder for it. I exercise my conscious belief, if I didn't I would be very lost and unhappy, even self-destructive.
My favourite film is "Set It Off". I always have to gather my courage to watch it, for me it represents the basic way of life, black people, (I'm not generalising here, believe me because I say and know that everyone has choices) and that's what's hard. Finding the strength to actually your own choices. I sometimes think how my choices contribute to the breaking down of diseases, psychological, social and emotional barriers, reversing the cycle. But I've realised that I would have to get over my own fears, hurt, pain, hang-ups and insecurities before I can teach or help someone to over come. I believe this is a cycle we should all catch onto.
I'm growing in strength and knowledge. I've been here in England for one year and one month. At first it was a very difficult experience and a culture shock, but I've adapted since. I've learnt to actually listen, appreciate and to respect people. I've also learnt to exercise great patience. I am more spiritual and in tune with the real me and how to make the right sacrifices. So that I am less confused and much more humble.
Thanks For Reading